• Joey Buttafucco is claiming he reconciled with Amy Fisher out of greed. And a bear DOES shit in the woods. Wow, no one figured that plot line out.
• Tom Cruise and Will Smith threw David Beckham a ” Welcome To Hollywood” party. I went to a similiar party once in Orlando and was pitched TIME SHARES the whole time. I bet a alien arm and a leg Beckham got the same pitch with Scientology.
• Maggie Gyllenhaal will play Katie Holmes’ character in the new “Batman” movie. Why can’t they get a hot girl like a Jessica Alba? Maggie has even less sex appeal than Katie Holmes and I can guarantee her acting will be exactly the same…..boring.
• Serena Williams has posed partially-nude in the new Jane magazine. Rumor has it that they had to airbrush her abnormally large clitoris to be less noticeable.
• Best Buy’s “Geek Squad” has been accused of stealing the personal photos of attractive customers. No kidding?! That’s like virtual-rape in my book!
• Senator Alfonse D’Amato is becoming a father again at the age of 70. That guy’s sperm must’ve been all nasty like cottage cheese or that old can of paint left in the garage.
• Tammy Faye died over the weekend. Read the Tammy Faye letter here .
• An NBA referee has been accused of shaving points for the mob. Wow finally a white guy makes the news in basketball.
• Barry Bonds is just two homers away from tying Hank Aaron’s record. OJ Simpson is worried he will lose his nickname, “Juice”.
• “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” is the number one movie at the box office. Maybe it was the 4 million commercials they aired every flippin 15 minutes laced with subliminal messages.
• The new Harry Potter book is selling like crazy. There was a huge internet leak and it looks like it didn’t phase it too much.
• The Simpsons movie is coming out next week. I bet they were disappointed with the PG13 rating, but I still predict it will be the #1 movie and will warrant at least three more Simpons movies. The spider-pig song that Homer was singing during the trailer had the whole theatre laughing uncontrollably. It definately looks great.
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