Here’s the Star Muscle TV transcript for January 1, 2007:
I’m Bubba Spears and here’s your celebrity headlines for today. January 1st 2007:
Caesars Palace in Nevada paid Britney to hang out at their club PURE on New Years in the tune of $300,000. She passed out, fainted, or fell asleep. A spokesman said, “Not exactly what we were hoping for with Ms. Spears”. “With her recent nude flashings, we were expecting at least a nipple slip or camel toe last night”.
Tiger Woods announced he will be a dad for the first time in 2007. Tiger was quoted as saying “we couldn’t be happier and our families are thrilled.” His wife also added, “Ca Ching Ca Ching, my ovaries are a money printing machine”.
The Saddam Hussein hanging video has been brodcast more than the Pam and Tommy Lee video on the internet. George Bush decided to sleep in that day, showing us how monumental this event truly was. We can all sleep in knowing that Osama Bin Laden is dead…oh crap that was Saddam…wake up Bushy..wake up boy.
Chevy Chase comments on President Ford’s death: “I’m just a guy who made some fun of Gerald Ford in 1976, and I prefer to be left alone, really.” Chevy hates it when people attribute his success to a Saturday Night Live character. Normally actors say, “I DID HAMLET, I DID OTHELO ON BROADWAY!!!”……nope Chevy Chase comes back with, ““The man who ‘made my career’ did not do ‘Fletch,’ did not do ‘Caddyshack,’. Now that sounds like schitck.
Jackie Chan announced that he is collaborating with Beijing Television to launch a competition to find his successor. Ten kung fu actors and actresses will be selected from a competition in March all televised on China TV. Possible show names are: “Who Ronts To Be A Babbling Sidekick”. “I can’t understand a word you say, but COOL MOVES”, and lastly “Ching Chong Ching Chong”
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey finalize their divorce and split up their remaining assets. Since Jessica made the majority of the money she got to keep the house, the cars, furniture, the money, the pets. Nick’s settlement was a lot smaller. He gets to say that he was once married to Jessica Simpson….and a can of Chicken of the Sea.
Miss Nevada Katie Rees loses her crown due to racy pictures of her making out with another girl. The Miss Universe Organization partly owned by Donald Trump, chose not to reinstate Katie. Looks like SHE’S FIRED.
Looks like Tom Petty won’t back down after all. The veteran rocker says he’s not retiring, despite a Rolling Stone article in July that suggested otherwise. I can see why people would think he should retire, he looks like he belongs in a Weekend At Bernie’s sequel. Osama Bin Laden has seen more daylight than the pale Tom Petty. He’s so old he farts dust. He’s so wrinkled a raisin tried to ask him out. And so on and so on.
That’s the news for today, I’m Bubba Spears and be sure to check out our celebrity blog at starmuscle.com
Star Muscle TV - Episode 1 - 01/02/2007: Play Now | Downloads 386
Star Muscle TV Audio - Episode 1 - 01/02/2007 [3:56m]: Play Now | Downloads 694
Post a Response
